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Terrified of Swans

I'm Andrew. I'm an impossible ball of joy and caffeine. I write stuff sometimes, I'm a massive hipster, and an impossible nerd.
22 M Chicago
Sep 15 '14
I haven’t been on in ages so I’m apologizing via car selfie.

I haven’t been on in ages so I’m apologizing via car selfie.

Aug 28 '14

trotty2scrotty:

lily-march:

sallyintheskywithdiamonds:

ketamineprojection:

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE TELL ME WHO THIS GUY IS

RUSSELL HOWARD

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Russell Howard is a national treasure.

He is literally all we as a nation have

(Source: katiebishop)

Aug 25 '14
"There’s nothing wrong with having multiple fuck buddies. Not even anything wrong with them knowing about each other. As long as everybody knows where they stand, it’s not gonna be awkward or weird. Shit, they can even hang out with each other. The only time I’ve ever had something go wrong with having multiple fuck buddies was when I lost a pair to each other."
Aug 20 '14
tokomon:

helyon:

daemontool:

straight people are terrifying they can go as far as to give the girl skeleton a pair of bone titties to indicate its a straight relationship

Oh my fucking god

BONE TITTIES

tokomon:

helyon:

daemontool:

straight people are terrifying they can go as far as to give the girl skeleton a pair of bone titties to indicate its a straight relationship

Oh my fucking god

BONE TITTIES

(Source: 0d2)

Aug 16 '14

imagine-jim-bones-and-spock:

imagine spock going back to vulcan to be honored with an award for scientific excellency or whatever

and even though its an award ceremony its still very solemn theres no clapping or cheering when people come on stage

finally its spocks turn and as he bows to the high priest and straightens up to receive his medal he hears a REALLY LOUD whistle from the audience

and he turns around and jims in the middle of all these stone faced vulcans like

image

Aug 16 '14
simplypurkey:

jazzumon:

destielkills:

auntiesnixshipper:

awkwardteenagenerves:

discard-and-discover:

evolve-within:

disregardwomen:

When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.


That last story is worth reblogging

simplypurkey:

jazzumon:

destielkills:

auntiesnixshipper:

awkwardteenagenerves:

discard-and-discover:

evolve-within:

disregardwomen:

When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.

That last story is worth reblogging

Aug 16 '14

incoherence:

Part 1 of lil-bit-ghei's birthday celebration was a complete success! Three rounds of laser tag and then buffet dinner. skittle-skattle felt the need to show the world his nip nops.

Aug 13 '14

slayboybunny:

men disgust me and i don’t mean that in a silly misandrist tumblr post zinger way I mean that at least 80% of the men I have met say think and do really disgusting shit regularly

Aug 13 '14

christinefuckingchapel:

ouran text post meme part 3 (because people asked for more)

Aug 10 '14

stele3:

Ferguson Police have dogs and shotguns. The unarmed crowd is raising their hands.

For anyone not following the Mike Brown story on Twitter: a 17 year old black boy named Mike Brown, who was supposed to start college tomorrow, was shot to death in Ferguson, Missouri by police while jaywalking. He was unarmed. He was shot 9 times.

Initial media reports claimed that an 18 year old black man had been shot and killed while fleeing police after shoplifting.

People in the neighborhood, including members of Mike Brown’s family, came out of their homes and began to protest, shouting “no justice, no peace,” and keeping their hands in the air.

Media reports claimed that a violent mob quickly formed around the shooting location shouting “kill the police.”

Spread this. Tell the truth about what happened to this boy. Tell the truth about what is happening NOW. The police and the mainstream media is painting him as a criminal, and his community as a violent mob.

SPREAD THIS. Don’t let them lie.

(Source: whatwhiteswillneverknow)

Aug 10 '14

monosexuals:

What he says: how do u know when lesbian sex is over???

What he means: I’ve never given a woman an orgasm ever in my life

Aug 10 '14

(Source: tibets)

Aug 10 '14

snlofficial:

kourtney looks like she was waiting all day for kim to ask a stupid question

(Source: keepingupwiththegifs)